Things Harry Potter Taught Me 3
by Sinkme
Summary: These are getting longer in content. Still 25 things, but now much longer. These have turned into things Harry Potter taught me/mini-rants about things in the book that bothered me. Oh well!


What Harry Potter (and the Prisoner of Azkaban) taught me:

1. It's a nice thought that no actual wizards died in the Witch Hunts. It really takes out the tragedy of the whole situation to realize that everyone who died was completely innocent and that wizards who were caught only had to perform a simple charm that made the flames ticklish in order to escape

2. It's a really good idea to flee the scene of a magical crime. Especially if you're a thirteen year old with absolutely no common sense and no idea how to get from one place to another except by _walking_

3. If the Minister of Magic is waiting for you at the Leaky Cauldron it's probably only to inform you that you're not in trouble for accidently blowing up your aunt. He's not a busy guy or anything

4. It is a great idea to have a bunch of Dementors guard a school. After all, it's not like they were previously guarding a prison for the wizarding worlds worst criminals, right? And they only feed off of _happy_ memories. Something which a bunch of school kids would definitely _not_ have in abundance

5. When confronted with a thirteen year old student who wants to take all the electives rather than picking the required number, it makes much more sense to give her an object which allows her to _travel back in time_ rather than to force her to drop a couple subjects

6. Sybill Trelawney is actually a pretty impressive Seer and a damn good showman

7. Putting a bunch of insecure thirteen year olds into a lesson where they must show their peers their deepest fear is a really smart idea

8. Snape in a dress is the best thing in the world

9. It's always a good idea to ask a professor for permission to go somewhere and show her your unsigned permission slip. That way you _definitely_ can't forge a signature later and go to Hogsmeade with no one the wiser

10. It is entirely rational to get mad at a friend because her cat is chasing your rat

11. When working with very proud creatures in class, make sure to insult it and then be super surprised when it attacks you. Remember to blame the teacher for your stupidity

12. It's actually really funny that the team thinks Oliver is trying to drown himself in the showers after they lose to Hufflepuff

13. The Marauder's Map is freaking awesome and also hugely dangerous for someone like say, I don't know…the accused mass murderer Sirius Black to have? (Or any Death Eater or Voldemort for that matter). By the way, if a bunch of, admittedly very bright, students could make this, shouldn't a Headmaster have thought of it and made one to help protect the school and keep an eye on the children? Example: a student (Harry Potter) goes missing. Gasp! Oh no, what will we do? Search the entire castle? Hope someone has seen him? Wander around and try to track him down amongst this fricking ginormous campus? NOPE! Pull out a map and locate him immediately then send Snape to pull his ass back from wherever he was most recently almost killed by Voldemort.

14. If you need to have a super secret meeting concerning a wanted fugitive, make sure to have it in a tavern filled with students. While you're at it, be sure to invite really important people (Rosmerta and Hagrid) to sit in on the meeting and ask pointless questions/make loud outbursts

15. If you need a happy thought to power a Patronus just imagine Hagrid as a defendant in the Ministry of Magic versus Lucius Malfoy. (Hagrid: Well, 'e didn't mean it. Beaky's just- e's just being what he is. It ain't his fault… Lucius: *raises an eyebrow and looks at Hagrid with disdain and then proceeds to bury him under an avalanche of the best lawyers that money can buy*)

16. It's not at all suspicious when a top of the line, super expensive broom gets mailed anonymously to you

17. If you're innocent of a crime and have escaped after twelve years, definitely sneak into a school and slash up a somewhat sentient portrait and then later stand over a boy's bed with a knife. After all, innocent people do these things all the time

18. After kidnapping one student and holding two others at wandpoint, explanations as to _why_ you're doing these things are not at all necessary. People tend to be really cooperative when they have no idea what's going on

19. If you and two other friends are becoming Animagi (what is the proper plural form of Animagus?) for your werewolf friend and one of them turns into a rat, it would make sense to keep a close eye on him in the future

20. Living as a rat for twelve years because you faked your death to avoid your friends whom you betrayed, and to escape punishment for following a Dark Lord whom you later abandoned because he was defeated by a child is one of the dumbest things in the world. Literally. A twelve year old brewed the Polyjuice Potion correctly, but Peter Pettigrew doesn't have the brains to consider the fact that if you want to get away from some people, _not_ staying in magical Britain is a wonderful start

21. Despite having a potion that forces someone to speak the truth and spells to allow a person to read someone's mind, it is apparently too much of a hassle for wizards to conduct trials and establish actual guilt before carting people off to prison

22. Apparently attempted murder as a student is not an offense for which you can be expelled

23. It is a bad idea to leave Invisibility Cloaks and Marauder's Maps lying out in the open

24. When transporting a prisoner, make sure he is Stunned. Or unconscious. Or blind. Or just break one (or both) of his legs.

25. If Harry had ignored Hermione and caught Pettigrew when they went back in time they could have avoided a hell of a lot of pain in the future. Way to go Hermione.


End file.
